Same old thing, different day

It has been one year and oh what a year it has been. I was able to enjoy the first 4 or 5 months at home working for my brother trying to finish up plans for an ice cream shoppe and a large vet's office. It is work that I truly love so of course it came to and end as the economy continued to fail. I was able to find a job that I like, especially because of the people I get to work with. I never had any desire to work full time outside of my home. I still feel like a failure every morning as I leave for work and I really have a hard time when I realize that my children have been home by themselves for 3 hours by the time I manage to get home. I wonder if Kincade will ever remember that I stayed home with him. Because of Brian's work schedule he has a day off during the week. He gets to stay home and enjoy the quiet house that I looked forward to for 18 years, I'm trying really hard not to be angry about that. I wonder about the whole plan of life these days and it certainly doesn't make any sense to me. My house has fallen into disaster, the kids seem to fighting every time I walk in the door. Why it the world was I sent all of these children if I won't be able to be with them when they need me? It has become the question haunting my mind. I am thankful for the time I have had to be with them but some days it feels like my usefulness as a mother has expired.